Best Jokes

Husband comes home drunk and breaks some crockery, vomits, and falls down on the floor. Wife pulls him up and cleans everything. Next day when he gets up, he expects her to be really angry with him. He prays that they would not have a fight. He finds a note near the table:

“Honey... your favorite breakfast is ready on the table. I had to leave early to buy groceries. I’ll come running back to you soon my love. I love you.”

Still surprised, he asks his son, "What happened last night?"

Son replies, “When mom pulled you to bed and tried removing your boots and shirt, you were dead drunk and you said… 'HEY LADY! LEAVE ME ALONE! I’M MARRIED!'”

The definition of "mixed feelings" is watching your mother-in-law drive your new Mercedes off a cliff.

Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home."

Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again.

"Joel," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath."

"Don't worry," replied her husband. "If the neighbors do see you, they'll buy curtains."

A man was complaining that his wife refused to make his morning coffee.

She shrugged and said. "In the Bible, we are told the man is to make the coffee."

He stares at her for a moment before informing her that he had never heard such a passage.

She smiled, rose and retrieved her Bible from the living room. She leafed through it for a moment before laying it on the table in front of him.

He glanced at it and sighs, seeing that she opened the Bible to: "HEBREWS".