Best Jokes

Suzy Lee fell in love. She planned to marry Joe. She was so happy about it all, she told her pappy so.

Pappy told her, "Suzie Gal" you'll have to find another. I'd just as soon yo maw don't know, but Joe is yo half-brother.

So Suzie forgot about her Joe and planned to marry Will.

But after telling pappy this, he said "There's trouble still." You can't marry Will, my gal and please don't tell yo mother, cause Will and Joe and several mo I know is yo half-brother."

But mama knew and said "Honey chile, do what makes yo happy. Marry Will or marry Joe, You ain't no kin to pappy!"

It was Saturday night and the preacher still hadn't been able to think of a sermon for the next morning. About 9:00 p.m. he finally said to his wife, "Dear, I think I've come up with the perfect sermon! I'm going to give a sermon about horseback riding!"

She said, "Don't be silly! You can't give a sermon about horseback riding!"

He replied, "Well, it's going to have to do because I've preached on just about every other subject I can think of."

The next morning as they were driving to church, she said, "I can't believe that you're insisting on doing this! You know, If you're going to give that silly sermon on horseback riding, I'm just going to stay in the car during the service."

He said, "OK, then, suit yourself!", so she stayed in the car.

Entering church before the service, the preacher had a sudden inspiration and gave a hell-fire and brimstone sermon on SEX that just had the congregation in awe. As the congregation filed out of the church, some of he members saw his wife sitting in the car and approached her window. One of them said, "Wow! you just missed the best sermon your husband has EVER given!"

She said, "Yeah, right! What does he know about it! He talks big but he's only tried it twice in his life! "Once before we were married and once after, and he fell off both times!"

A man was traveling north to Dallas. He needed to use the bathroom and so at a rest stop he goes into a stall. He sits down and was surprised to hear someone in the next stall say, "So how ya doing?"

The man gulps and thinks about what he should say and then decides to answer. So he clears his throat and says, "uh....I'm fine."

Then the stranger in the next stall says, "So where are you headed?"

Again the man, a little nervous answers, "Uh...I'm headin north to Dallas."

Then the stranger asked, "So what have you been up to?"

Again the man answers, "Not much, I'm actually on a business trip."

The man sat there waiting for another question when finally he heard the stranger in the next stall impatiently say, "Look, I'm going to have to call you back, some idiot in the next stall thinks I'm talking to him."

A dad grew increasingly displeased as his teenage daughter and her boyfriend studied in her room late one evening. Finally losing his patience, he knocked sharply on her door. Her boyfriend immediately opened it and asked if something was wrong.

"I have to ask you to move your car," the father exclaimed.

"Oh, sure. Is it in someone's way?"

"No," the dad replied, "it's at the wrong address."