Best Jokes

Being at my college often meant having your umbrella taken without your knowledge and if lucky returned during the rainy season. So I was pleasantly surprised when my roommate showed me an umbrella and asked me if it was mine. My umbrella was a brand called "Happy".

So I told him, "Check if it's Happy."

He promptly proceeded to open and close the umbrella twice in quick succession. He looked at me and gravely concluded, "Doesn't sound so happy."

Years ago, when my daughter was expecting her second baby, my husband and I traveled to the Air Force base where they were stationed so we would be able to take care of their first daughter when the new baby was born.

We arrived at their house in the evening and little Jane was bathed and ready for bed. Her mother told her to go tell everyone good night so she dutifully kissed everyone, including her mother's tummy and told us all goodnight and scampered down the hallway.

Suddenly she stopped and said, "Oh I forgot." Running over to her grandpa she reached up and kissed his rather portly stomach and announced quite matter-of-factly, "I forgot to kiss grandpa's baby goodnight."

If you ever need to know something, ask a teenager, they know everything!

A company offered tours through the historic district, led by guides dressed in Colonial clothing. While leading a group, one of the guides, tripped and fell, breaking his wrist.

He went to the hospital, and as he sat waiting in the emergency room, a policeman walked by. Doing a double take at him in his 18th-century garb he asked, "Just how long have you been waiting?"