Last night I dreamt I was a muffler...
I woke up exhausted!
Did you hear about the new garlic diet?
You don't actually lose weight, but you look thinner from a distance.
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach...
... and now I am the proud owner of Aisle 4.
A boy was bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice.
Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied.
Said the store manager, "Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers."