Best Jokes

It's ten below zero one early spring day in Alaska. Pat is drinking at his local saloon and the bartender says to him, "You owe me quite a bit on your tab."

"Sorry," says Pat, "I'm flat broke this week."

"That's okay," says the bartender. "I'll just write your name and the amount you owe me right here on the wall."

"But," says Pat, "I don't want any of my friends to see that."

"They won't," says the bartender. "I'll just hang your parka over it until it's paid."

A professor of clinical psychology at Victoria University in Wellington, New Zealand, included a lecture on crowd psychology in his annual course. To illustrate mass hysteria, he regularly showed TV news footage of teenage crowds greeting the Beatles at the local airport in the 1960's.

One year, when he ran the footage, he heard squeals and bursts of laughter from his students. When the film ended he asked what had caused the hilarity.

Replied one student, "We recognized some of our mothers!"

Prior to turning on the TV to watch a recorded soccer match, I said to my wife, “Don’t tell me the score!”

She replied, “ Don't worry, there wasn’t any.”

Son: After I graduate college I want become a sales person because there must be hundreds of different types, which gives me options.

Dad: There may be many different types of products but there are only three types of sales people...

The first type will take your commissions and doesn't care if you know...

The second type will take your commissions if they don't think you'll figure it out...

The third type are people that don't know what they're doing. In the end they'll take your commissions accidentally.

Son: That must mean there's a fourth type, someone who is actually a #1 but pretends to be a #3 so you won't get mad at them.

Dad: Actually son, now you're getting into sales management.