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Favorite this joke I like playing golf but it is a hard game to explain.
One day I'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit half the traps and miss most of the greens.
Then then next day I'll go out and for no reason at all, really stink up the course!
At three o'clock one morning, a veterinary surgeon was awoken from a deep sleep by the ringing of his telephone. He staggered downstairs and answered the phone.
"I'm sorry if I woke you," said a voice at the other end of the line.
"That's all right," said the vet, "I had to get up to answer the phone anyway."
Do you know why baby diapers have brand names like Luvs, Huggies and Pampers while undergarments for old people are called Depends?
Well, here is the reason...
When babies soil their pants, people are still going to Luv"em, Hug'em, and Pamper'em.
When old people soil their pants, it Depends on who's in the will!
An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, "The parrot I purchased uses improper language."
"I'm surprised," said the owner. "I've never taught that bird to swear."
"Oh, it isn't that," explained the professor. "But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive."
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