Best Jokes

I started out with nothing!

And I still have most of it left.

It seems that every time John, our piano tuner, comes to our house, he scolds me for waiting too long between tunings. I agree with him that it should be done every six months, but I don't really think about it until the piano sounds off-key. Last time he came over, I was on the defensive.

"If you would send out a postcard reminder like the dentist," I declared, "I would make sure to call you for an appointment in a timely fashion."

Without hesitating, he replied, "From now on, when the dentist sends you a postcard, call me."

In what direction does a sneeze travel?

Atchoo!

Boy: "I will not use Google anymore!"

Girl: "Why not?"

Boy: "Because after meeting you, all my searching is done."