Best Jokes

A man driving by an insane asylum got a flat in his front right tire. He took off his tire and put the lug nuts in the wheel cover. As he rose he accidentally kicked the wheel cover and all the lug nuts went into a deep ditch. Looking in disgust he noticed an inmate at the asylum watching him through a chain link fence.

The man shouted out, "Why don't you take a lug nut from the other three wheels and use them to replace the lug nuts you lost?"

The driver said, "That's a great idea!"

The man replied, " Well I may be crazy, but I am not stupid."

What do you call somebody with no body and a nose?

Nobody knows!

Two zombie students were on the way to their high school in Los Angeles when they spotted a white BMW with the actress Halle Berry stopped at a red light. Seizing the opportunity, they immediately rushed the car, dragged the startled Ms. Berry from the front seat, and ate her brain.

Dragging the corpse behind them as they walked to school, they suddenly remembered that their school was having a contest to see who could best decorate the corridors of the school for Christmas.

Sure enough, they won the contest. The name of their entry, "Deck the Halls with Bowels of Halle!"

Do you know why medical facilities in Phoenix, Arizona treat substantially more tourist for heat exhaustion every summer than they do locals?

It’s because tourist think you can actually tan outside.