Best Jokes

What does Geronimo yell when he jumps out of a plane?

A sign in a Shoe Repair Store:
- We will heel you, We will save your sole, We will even dye for you.

At an Optometrist's Office:
- If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

On a Plumber's truck:
- We repair what your husband fixed.
- Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.

On an Electrician's truck:
- Let us remove your shorts.

At a Car Dealership:
- The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.

Outside a Muffler Shop:
- No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
- Be back in 5 minutes. Sit... Stay...

At the Electric Company:
- We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
- Drive carefully. We'll wait.

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
- Best place in town to take a leak.

Sign on the back of a Septic Tank Truck:
- Caution... this truck is full of Political Promises.

Every week Murray goes to the synagogue and prays, "God, please let me win the lottery. Just once, please let me win the lottery."

This goes on week after week, month after month, "God, please let me win the lottery."

One day this majestic voice booms down from above, "Murray, meet me halfway, buy a ticket!"

A bent-over old lady hobbled into a doctor's office. Within minutes, she came out again but miraculously, she was standing up as straight as could be.

A man in the waiting room, who had been watching her, said in amazement, "My goodness, what did the doctor do to you?"

The old lady replied, "He gave me a longer cane."