Best Jokes

Blood may be thicker than water, but baseball beats them both.

I learned this after explaining to my two boys that they were half-Lithuanian on their father’s side, and half-Yankee, meaning their other set of parents came from an old New England family.

My younger son looked worried. "But we’re still a hundred percent Red Sox, right, Mom?"

A lizard walks into a bar pushing a baby in a stroller.

“What’s your kid’s name?” asks the bartender.

“Tiny,” says the lizard. “Because he’s my-newt.”

A solar-powered computer wristwatch, which is programmed to tell the time and date for 125 years, comes with a guarantee — for two years.

My three-year-old grandson sat in the bathroom with me, watching as I removed my dentures and brushed them.

After a few minutes, he asked, “Can you take your ears off too?”