Best Jokes

After an enthusiastic recommendation from my wife, I began listening to the audiobook version of Frank McCourt’s 'Teacher Man'.

“I love it, but his writing style is so disjointed,” I complained. “He refers to characters I don’t know and introduces them a half hour later.”

My wife was as confused as I was, but I soldiered on, disoriented by the jumpy story line. It wasn’t until the end of the book that my dilemma was explained—I had set the iPod to Shuffle mode.

I went skydiving today for the first time.

This guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane.

As we plummeted he said, "So how long have you been an instructor?"

It was a couple's tenth wedding anniversary. The wife offered her husband a cup of coffee and went in to fetch some snacks. As she offered him snacks, he asked, "Where's your cup of coffee?"

She replied, "You work hard for us and you make me happy! So you deserve this cup of coffee."

The husband held her hands and said, "You have been the driving force behind me. You are my inspiration. Whatever I am today, it's only because, you have been beside me all the time. So you deserve this coffee and thanks for all your love!"

He handed her the cup. She sipped the coffee, very much moved by her husband's words. Their maid who witnessed all this, came up to the man the next day and said, "Sir, you are an ideal husband. It's your love for your wife that makes your marriage stronger."

The husband understood and said, "Yeah, it's love, but the coffee she made was really disgusting and I couldn't say no. So had to give it back to her."

When we moved cross-country, my wife and I decided to drive both of our cars. Nathan, our eight-year-old, worriedly asked, "How will we keep from getting separated?"

"We'll drive slowly so that one car can follow the other," I reassured him.

"Yeah, but what if we DO get separated?" he persisted.

"Well, then I guess we'll never see each other again," I quipped.

"Okay," he said. "I'm riding with mom.