My girlfriend just broke up with me for being too un-American...
But honestly, I saw it coming from a kilometer away.
Q: Daddy, why are all those cars beeping their horns?
A: Because they were just at a wedding.
Q: Don’t we beep the horn as a warning signal, Daddy?
A: Exactly, son.
Pedro - "I am going to be in the hospital for another month or so."
Carlos - "Oh no, pretty ill huh?"
Pedro - "No, pretty nurse."
What did the cobbler say when a cat wondered into his shop?
SHOE!