Best Jokes

Teacher: "John, what's the matter? Why are you looking so upset?"

John: "My dad is in police station and my mom is in hospital!"

Teacher: "Oh God! Please go home!"

The principal happened to see John leave. He asks the teacher, "Where's John heading to?"

Teacher: "I permitted him to go home because his dad is in police station and mom is in hospital."

Principal: "His dad is a cop and his mom is a nurse... where else they would be?"

When I went back to the medical lab to have some blood drawn, I was greeted with a battery of questions from the technician.

“Has your address changed?” she asked.

“No,” I answered.

“Your phone number?”

“No.”

“What about your birthday?”

A businessman hailed a cab from his hotel and asked to be driven to the hospital about a mile away.
The cabby started driving but he was only going about 15 mph.
The passenger banged on the partition and said speed it up.
The cabby screamed hit the gas and plowed into a tree.
The passenger said what the heck is wrong with you?
This is my first day driving a cab.
I drove for a funeral home for 15 years and no one ever banged on my partition.
You scared the living-daylights out of me!

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.

He slides up to the bar and announces, ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!''