Best Jokes

A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points. After a battery of physical and psychological tests, the center's director told him that he was an acceptable candidate.

"That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive?"

"Yes, sir, it can," the director replied. "An ounce of accountant's brain for example, costs one thousand dollars. An ounce of an economist's brain costs two thousand. An ounce of a corporate president's is forty-five thousand. And an ounce of a politician's brain is seventy-five thousand dollars."

"Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a politicians brain? Why on earth is that?"

"Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many politicians it takes to get an ounce of brain?"

Bill and Doug went into a diner that looked as though it had seen better days. As they slid in to a booth, Bill wiped some crumbs from the seat. Then he took a napkin and wiped some moisture from the table. The waitress came over and asked if they wanted some menus.

"No thanks," said Doug. "I'll just have a cup of black coffee."

"I'll have black coffee too," Bill said. "And please make sure the cup is clean."

The waitress shot him a nasty look. She turned and marched off into the kitchen. Two minutes later, she was back.

"Two cups of black coffee," she announced. "Which one of you wanted the clean cup?"

Teacher: “Little Johnny, please spell the word 'pole'.”

Little Johnny: “P-O-L.”

Teacher: “But what is at the end of it?”

Little Johnny: “Electrical Wires, but I can’t spell that yet.”