Best Jokes

My daughter loved the movie "The Wizard of Oz" and wanted a pair of ruby slippers just like Dorothy. My wife found a pair that were perfect, except they were very slippery on the stairs.

I told my daughter not to wear them when she was using the stairs. While sitting in my living room I heard the clomp, clomp, clomp of what I knew to be ruby slippers. I yelled up at my daughter saying, "I thought I told you not to wear those shoes on the stairs?"

She replied, "Daddy, I am just carrying my shoes downstairs with my feet."

Harry walked over to the Priest after services, “You know Father, I am really stuck in a quandary. I would like to attend church next week but I just can’t miss the big game next Sunday, it’s just out of the question.”

“Oh Harry, Harry” said the Priest putting his arm around Harry. “Don’t you know, that’s what recorders are for.”

Harry’s face lit up, “You mean I could record your sermon?”

A man arrived at work one morning wearing a good sized diamond ring.

One of his co-workers noticed the sparkler and asked about it.

The man explained, “My mother-in-law gave me a thousand dollars before she passed away. She said that when she dies, I should buy a beautiful stone. So I did!"

A man and his wife were driving their recreational vehicle across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure out how to pronounce it: KISS-a-me? kiss-a-ME? kiss-A-me?

They grew more perplexed as they drove into town. Since there were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the person at the register, "My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that we can understand?"

The cashier looked at him and said, "Buuuurrr gerrrrrrrr Kiiiinnnng."