An English teacher asks Little Johnny: “Make an opposite of this sentence... ‘Kids in the dark usually make errors.’”
Little Johnny: “Errors in the dark usually make kids."
I was getting into my car when I noticed a dent. On the windshield was a note and a phone number from the driver. "I feel terrible," the woman apologized when I called. "I hit your car as I was pulling into the next parking spot."
"Please, don't worry," I said to her. "I'm sure our insurance companies will take care of everything."
"Thank you for your understanding," she said. "You're so much nicer than the man I hit on the way out."
What's the difference between a vision and a sight?
When my wife gets dressed up for a party she looks like a vision and when she wakes up in the morning she's a sight!
All my life I thought air was free…
Until I bought a bag of chips.