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Favorite this joke A man crosses the road from a hospital and enters a bar and immediately asks for three whiskey shots and a beer. The barman pours the drinks and the man swallows each whiskey in one swallow.
The barman is alarmed by this and expresses his concern, only for the man to reply, ”IF YOU HAD WHAT I HAVE THEN YOU WOULD BE KNOCKING THE DRINKS BACK TOO!”
The barman places the beer on the counter and watches the man chug down the brew and asks sympathetically, “What have you got?”
The man places the empty glass down and replies, “An empty wallet.”
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy,
"Hey Willis forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon."
The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern.
"Paddy," he said, " I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day."
"Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "What have you done?"
A fellow was given a dirty old lamp for his birthday. He cleaned it up and POOF, out popped a genie!
The genie said, "I shall give you three wishes. You may have anything you like."
The guy thought for a minute and said, "I would like a billion dollars."
"You shall have it," said the genie and he granted him the wish. "Anything else?"
The guy thought for a while and said, "I would like a VW Bug with A/C, power locks, power windows, an incredible radio, you know - and all the works!"
"Your wish is my command," said the genie, making the dream car appear. "What is your last wish?"
"Hmmm. I think I'll save it for a rainy day," answered the birthday boy.
"OK, suit yourself," replied the genie. "I'll wait and listen, ready to answer."
The happy guy got in his new car and drove off to show all his friends. As he turned on the radio, a familiar commercial came on and he began to sing along, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener..."
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