Best Jokes

Igor: "Why do you call your pet fawn 'Ninety-Nine Cents'?"

Boris: "Because it’s not old enough to be a buck."

Girl: I’d like a triple vanilla ice cream sundae with chocolate syrup, nuts, and a lot of whipped cream.

Waiter: With a cherry on top?

Girl: Heavens no! I’m on a diet.

Mom: "Little Johnny, why are you taking your ruler to bed with you?"

Little Johnny: "To see how long I sleep..."

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred for real.

He asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."

Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know, I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

Little Johnny said, "Well... every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, 'Good Lord, are you still in there?!'"