"Time separates the best of friends," said one women to another.
"How true," replied the other. "Twenty years ago we were fifteen, now you're thirty-five and I'm twenty-nine!"
Explaining luggage regulations to passengers can be aggravating for flight attendants. One day a woman tried to board with an enormous bag.
The lead flight attendant told her why it would not fit, but the woman argued that her bag was a carry-on because it had wheels and a handle.
Without blinking the attendant said, "My Ford has wheels and a handle, but that doesn't make it a carry-on."
I’m close friends with 25 letters of the alphabet...
I don’t know 'y'.
"What's your father's occupation?" asked the school secretary on the first day of the new academic year.
"He's a magician, ma'am" said Little Johnny.
"How interesting. What's his favorite trick?"
"He saws people in half."
"Wow! Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?"
"One half brother and two half sisters."