The homeowner got into his old work clothes one Saturday morning and set about all the chores his wife had been urging him to do all week.
He cleaned the garage, pruned the hedge, and was halfway through mowing the lawn when a woman pulled up in the driveway and called out her window, "Say, what do you get for yard work?"
The fellow thought for a moment and then answered, "The lady who lives here lets me live with her."
"Doctor, I think I'm a moth."
"It's not a doctor you need, it's a psychiatrist."
"I was on my way there when I saw your light on."
"I'll have an H2O," says the first.
"I'll have an H2O too," says the second.
The second man dies.
A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a twenty dollar bill to someone who was needy and down on his luck."
"Twenty whole dollars? That's a lot of money to just give away. What did your husband say about it?"
"Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He said, 'Thanks.'"