I got into an argument with this thug in a pub. I backed away, but as I was leaving he shouted, “I know where you live!”
I was really worried for a while, but it turned out he works for Royal Mail Parcelforce, so his threat almost certainly isn’t true.
What do you call a mean mother hen?
An egg beater.
"I can’t kill the mosquito who bit me and sucked my blood."
"Why Not?"
"Because we’re related by blood now!"
Where would you find a doctor whose job it is to declare a person dead?
At the coroner store.