"Mary, if you were a four legged animal and you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?"
"I don't know," said Mary, "but whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark."
Why did the diet coach send her new client to the paint store?
She knew you could get thinner there!
"Walter, if you are going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?"
"Three days of steady drinking should do it," was Walter's reply.
Which race has no running?
A swimming race.