Nurse: "Doctor, doctor! The man you've just treated collapsed on the front step! What should I do?"
Doctor: "Turn him around, so it looks like he was just arriving!"
Why do seals swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To visit someone that is not very smart.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
The chicken!
A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basic items. "How much do you weigh?" she asks.
"120," the woman says. The nurse puts her on the scale. It turns out her weight is 150.
The nurse asks, "Your height?"
"5 feet, 8 inches," she says. The nurse checks and sees that she measures only 5 feet, 5 inches.
She then takes her blood pressure and tells the woman it is very high.
"Of course it's high!" she screams. "When I came in here, I was tall and slender, and now I'm short and fat!"