Outside a second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - Bicycles, Washing Machines, etc... Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain!
When asked by his grandchildren to describe his retirement Grandpa proudly answered, "It's great! Some days at 3:00 pm I take off my pajamas and get dressed, and some days at 3:00 pm I put on my pajamas and get ready for early dinner and bed!"
"Don't give up on your dreams."
"Really? You mean it?"
"Yeah, just keep sleeping."
Professor (picking on a sleepy student): "Name two pronouns."
Student (yawning): "Who? Me?"
Professor: "Very good, and here I thought you were inattentive."