A duck is standing next to a busy road, cars zooming past while he waits for a break in traffic.
A chicken walks up to him and says, "Don't do it, man. You'll never hear the end of it."
"I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59."
"Why is that?"
"Because I like that one to one time.”
"Are you writing a thank you letter to Grandma like I told you to?"
"Yes, Mom."
"Your handwriting seems very large, why is that?"
"Well, Grandma can't hear well, so I'm writing very loudly."
Guy 1: "Hey, have you met my vegetarian girlfriend?"
Guy 2: "Nah, I've never met herbivore."