Wife: “Why don’t you tell your friend that the girl he is getting married to is not apt for him?”
Husband: “Leave it. I am not going to say anything.”
Wife: “Why not? After all, he is your friend!”
Husband: “He didn’t tell me anything when I was getting married.”
Interviewer: So what do you have planned for the future?
Me: Lunch
Interviewer: No, I mean long term.
Me: Oh... Dinner.
I tried to flip my house last week...
All I got for it was three herniated discs!
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?