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Favorite this joke Bob and George are golfing, when a bird flies overhead. "Wow! What a big duck!" Bob says. "That's no duck, it's a goose." George says.
"No, it's a duck!" Bob says. "I say it's a goose!" George says. And so the argument went. "Duck!" "Goose!" "Duck!" "Goose!" "Duck!" "Goose!"
Another golfer behind them, playing the hole, yells, "Fore!" and hits the ball.
Bob sees the ball coming and yells, "Duck!"
George yells back, "Goose!"
BONK.
8am: Too tired to think.
Noon: Too tired to think.
5pm: Too tired to think.
Midnight: How do dragons blow out candles?
My wife and I were at my high school reunion. As I looked around, I noticed the other men in their expensive suits ... and their bulging stomachs.
Proud of the fact that I weighed just five pounds more than I did when I was in high school, I said to my wife, "I'm the only guy here who can still wear the suit he wore when he graduated."
She glanced at the well-dressed crowd, then back at me, and said, "You're the only one who has to."
The old lady had a parrot who had never spoken a word in eight years. She had tried everything she could think of to teach him to speak, from reading books, magazines and newspapers to him, playing the radio and TV around him, and inviting friends over for a chat, but nothing ever seemed to change.
One day, the lady was working in her garden; the parrot's cage was right by a nearby window. Suddenly, lo and behold, the parrot yelled, "Look out!"
Unfortunately, the lady didn't hear him and was immediately chased away by a swarm of angry bees. The parrot tsks and shakes his head indignantly. "Eight years she spends teaching me to talk and then I can't get her to listen."
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