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Favorite this joke A man walks into a pet store and asks for a talking bird. The owner takes him to a parrot and says, "This parrot is guaranteed to speak after a little training."
The man seems skeptical but buys the bird.
The next day, he calls the pet store and says, "I spent three hours trying to get this parrot to speak, but I can't get a single word out of it."
The owner says, "Don't worry, sometimes their beaks are a little too long. Just file a little bit off of the tip. Just don't file too much or you could kill him."
The next day the man brings the parrot back to the pet store -- dead at the bottom of the cage. The owner sees that and says, "I told you not to file too much of his beak!"
And the mans says, "I didn't get a chance to file anything. He died right after I put him in the vise!"
A man visiting his neighbor's house is shocked to see their little boy pounding nails into their expensive coffee table. "How can you afford to let your son do that?" he asked his host.
"Oh, it's really no issue," the host replied. "I get the nails cheap."
Why can't Klingon kids play in sandboxes?
Cats keep trying to cover them up.
A minister had just finished an excellent fried chicken dinner at the home of a congregation member when he saw a rooster come strutting through the yard.
"That's certainly a proud-looking rooster," the minister commented.
"Yes, sir," replied the farmer. "He has reason to be proud-- one of his sons just entered the ministry."
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