Latest Jokes

Don't just tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends -- tell me where to get more wax!!

A burglar broke into the home of a good Quaker gentleman.

From upstairs, the Quaker heard the noises below and realized there was an intruder.

He took his hunting rifle to the top of the stairs and announced: "Friend, I mean to do thee no harm, but where thou standest is where I am about to shoot."

When humans are young, they are pushed around in strollers...

When they are old, they are pushed around in wheelchairs...

In between, they are just pushed around...

A man walks into a posh restaurant and orders his meal. While he takes the first bite and is looking around, a monkey swings down and steals his plate from him before he is able to stop it.

The man asks the waiter, "Excuse me sir, who owns the monkey?"

The waiter replies, "It belongs to the piano player."

The man walks over to the piano player and says, "Do you know your monkey stole my food?"

The pianist responds, "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it."