A woman is walking along the beach with her children, appearing to be looking for something. At this moment, a lifeguard traipses up to them. "Excuse me, ma'am," he says. "I had noticed you seemed to be looking for something and wish to offer my help."
"Yes, my husband is missing," the woman replies with concern. "My kids buried him in the sand and now we can't find him."
"Do you remember where you were sitting recently?" the lifeguard asks. The woman looks up at him incredulously. "Don't be silly, would you have remembered where you were sitting a year ago?"
Got home from work today to find my kids have been on ebay all day.
If they are still there tomorrow I will lower the price.
American psychologists have isolated two fundamental reasons why men frequent bars.
1) They don’t have a woman.
2) They have a woman.
"Darling, I just called to tell you how awesome you are. You really are the love of my life…"
"Sir, I’m sorry, this is a brewery!"
"Oh, I know…"