Latest Jokes

There is a rookie pilot and a co-pilot and they are coming in for a landing. The pilot says, "Damn that runway is small, give me 1/4 flaps."

As they get closer the pilot says, "Damn that's a small runway, give me 1/2 flaps."

As they're coming in closer the pilot again says, "Damn that's a small runway, give me FULL FLAPS!"

After they land the plane safely the pilot says, "That's the smallest runway I've ever landed on."

Then the co-pilot says, "Yes it is, but look it how wide it is."

An indian man was walking down the road when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell to the ground. And ambulance was called and within minutes the ambulance arrived. The victim was taken into the ambulance and it sped off. In the ambulance the victim being a religious man started to repeat "hari om, hari hom, ari om"

The ambulance drove as fast as it could siren sounding and lights flashing. Finally it arrived! They took the victim down and pushed him to the door and rang the doorbell. A woman appeared and was shocked to see her husband on stretcher and inquired what happened. The medical officer explained what happened to her. She screamed," why didn't you take him to the hospital!?"

The medical officer explained, " we tried too but he kept repeating "hurry home hurry home hurry home'. So we took him right to his home.'

The wife was furious and exclaimed, "you idiot! He was praying our hindu prayer "hari om hari om!'

Wife: Honey I lost 5 pounds!

Husband: AT LAST... you washed off your makeup!

A father put his 3-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa."

The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The next day the grandmother died.

"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."


Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?" He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I just had the worst day of my life." She said, "You think you had a bad day? You'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the mailman dropped dead on our porch!"