Latest Jokes

Q. What did the cork say to the bottle?
A. “If you don’t behave I’ll plug you.”

His girlfriend’s father was interviewing Young Charles. “So,” said that impressive personage, “you want to be my so-in-law, do you?
“Not particularly,” said Charles tactlessly, “but if I want to marry your daughter I haven’t much choice, have I?”

One guy to another, “Last week I took the first step towards getting divorced.”
“Did you see a lawyer?”
“No, I got married.”

On their first evening in their new home the bride went in to the kitchen to fix drinks. Five minutes later she came back into the living room in tears.
“What’s the matter, my angel?” asked her husband anxiously.
“Oh, Steven! She sobbed, “I put the ice cubes in hot water to wash them and now they’ve disappeared!”