A husband took his young daughter to the grocery store with him. In addition to the healthful items on the carefully prepared shopping list, they returned with a box of sugar-laden cookies.
The man noticed the glare of his wife and said, "This box of cookies has one-third fewer calories than usual."
"Why is that?" the mother asked.
"We ate a third of the cookies on the way home," he replied.
Dentist: "You need a crown."
Patient: "Finally, someone who understands me."
“Darling, I think the new dryer is shrinking my clothes.”
“No, sweetie, that was the fridge.”
A young lady was a theater major applying for fall semester classes. At the end of the busy day she goes back to her dorm and enters in a huff of anger.
"What's wrong, Shelly?" asks her roommate.
"Well, all the acting classes are filled. I couldn't even get into Mime class."
"Why not?"
"How should I know? You can't get a word out of those people!"