"Everyone at work told me to stop making jokes about puns."
"Why is that?"
"Because none of them were punny!"
"Stop. Just stop now."
Little Johnny came home from Sunday School with the distressing news news that he had lost the penny given to him for the collection.
"But Johnny, this is the third Sunday in a row that you have lost your penny," indicated his mother.
"Well," replied Johnny, "I gotta win sooner or later."
One woman was bragging to her next-door neighbor about her son, a college student at the University of Illinois. "Why our son is so brilliant, every time we get a letter from him we have to go to the dictionary."
"You're lucky," the neighbor said. "Every time we get a letter from our son in college, we have to go to the bank!"
The owner of a musical instrument store summoned one of his staff who was overheard arguing with a customer. He asked her what they were arguing about. "She wanted a guitar, and I told her we didn't have one."
The boss said, "So she wanted a guitar, the customer is always right. Why did you give her a hard time?"
"Well, for starters, she was left-handed, so she wasn't right."