Policeman: What are you looking for, Mister, did you lose something?
Man: Yes, I lost my watch.
Policeman: Where did you lose it?
Man: On Tenth Street.
Policeman: But this is Twelfth Street.
Man: I know. But when I dropped it, it was still running.
“Doc, Doc!” the man yelled. “I’ve got cucumbers growing out of my ears!”
“My goodness!” exclaimed the doctor. “How did that happen?”
“Sure beats me. I planted carrots.”
"What did you buy your husband for his birthday?"
"Well, knowing he wanted a journal, I bought him one that locked since he's so particular about his notes."
"And surely you bought something for yourself too?"
"Oh, of course! I made myself a duplicate key."
Little Johnny's teacher was was discussing the weather in chemistry class? She asked, "When rain falls does it ever rise again?"
After asking various students she called on Little Johnny.
"Yes, it does... in dew time."