Teacher: Little Johnny, how do you spell “rain”?
Little Johnny: R-A-N-E.
Teacher: That’s the worst spell of rain we’ve had around here in a long time.
A young man was sitting next to me in one of the two chairs provided for men outside the ladies fitting room in our local department store. After 30 minutes and 6 changes of outfits, the fellow's wife came out of the changing room one more time. He looked at her and immediately said, "That looks great on you! Get that one."
"Honey," she replied, "this is what I was wearing when we came in."
As I grew a beard my wife said, "That beard looks ugly."
I replied, "I'm growing a beard to keep the girls away."
She laughed, "There aren't any girls around."
"There," I quipped, "it's working already."
A new employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with her password. "The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars," she says.
"Those asterisks are to protect you," the Help Desk technician explains, "so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn't be able to read your password."
"Yeah," she says, "but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me."