Cop: You know how fast you were going?
Guy: Sorry officer, I was just trying to catch up with traffic.
Cop: What traffic? The road is empty.
Guy: Yea, that's how far behind I am.
A criminal has an idea for a business. To execute the crooked plan he hires a partner. He explains everything, “First, you secretly flatten people’s car tires. Then, offer our tire changing service through an advertisement. Got it?”
A few weeks later, after getting no customers, the cops show up at their tire changing garage, placing them under arrest due to suspicious advertising. On the way to jail, the criminal who thought up the plan asks the partner about the advertisement.
“Well, I had a great idea. I realized we could save ourselves a lot of time by stabbing our flyer directly into the tire.”
One morning at a small-town newspaper office, one of the editors was struggling to write a headline for the obituary of a woman who was noted for little besides a fondness for crossword puzzles.
"What am I supposed to write?" the editor whined. "She liked puzzles?"
Just then one of our copy editors piped up, "How about, 'Crossword fan is now six down.'?"
Did you hear about the big power outage last week that hit New York City’s Theater District ?
It was a real show stopper!