A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one of the fellows and left it on his desk.
"I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave."
At 7:00 pm, the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove!
A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionist's desk. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday," she complained.
The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. "I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing," he said. "Why do you think it was taken here?"
"After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly."
"I think," explained the surgeon gently, "that means your cataract operation was a success."
An infectious disease walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “We don’t serve infectious diseases here.”
The infectious disease says, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”
Did you hear about the cheap art thieves the police caught the other day?
They didn’t have the Monet to buy Degas to make their Van Gogh.