Did you hear about the blind man who took a hammer and saw?

Everyone seems to be asking me, "Where do you see yourself five years from now?"

I always answer, "Five years from now, I'll see myself like I always do. In a mirror."

What does a yellow rock become if you throw it in the Red Sea?

Wet!

Almost every person is talking about getting an iPhone 7. I am the very first person to get an iPhone 8.

It's true, I have an iPhone 8!

Only problem is I used up all my data just downloading all the apps I needed.