My husband was water-skiing when he fell into the river. As the boat circled to pick him up, he noticed a hunter sitting in a duck boat in the reeds.
My husband put his hands in the air and joked, “Don’t shoot!”
The hunter responded, “Don’t quack.”
The girlfriend stands by door, not sure what to say. “Honey, why is your whole upper half covered in baby oil?”
“Well, you’re always saying I never glisten,” replies the boyfriend.
“Listen! I said you never LISTEN!”
My boss made me go into the office on Labor Day. Halfway through the day, he came in to check up on me and caught me having a beer.
He said to me, "You can't drink while you're working."
I said, "Oh, don't worry - I'm not working."