A man and his wife are talking:
Man - "What would happen if I were to win the lottery?"
Woman - "I would take half and leave you in a heartbeat!"
Man - "I won twelve dollars, here's six now get out!"
How do Spanish cows say thanks for the food that he eats?
“Moo-chas Grass-ias!”
I have so much debt...
I can start a government.
Told my wife I was going to start smoking pot.
She said if I did she was going to leave me.
That's proof that it gets rid of aches and pains!