My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
Did you know that 97% of the world is dumb?
Luckily I’m in the other 5%!
Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get a Christmas present?
Because the rest of the letters were not-E.
Who's the genius that decided to call it "Emotional baggage"...
.... and not "griefcase."