Past Winners

Do you know why baby diapers have brand names like Luvs, Huggies and Pampers while undergarments for old people are called Depends?

Well, here is the reason...

When babies soil their pants, people are still going to Luv"em, Hug'em, and Pamper'em.

When old people soil their pants, it Depends on who's in the will!

I had to take a whole load of tree limbs to the dump today in my trailer.

I came to realize that when I prayed for a job as a branch manager, I needed to be a little more specific.

While watching the tv show "Sisters", my then 5 year old daughter was having a hard time understanding how one sister was expecting a baby but the baby belonged to a different sister.

After explaining to her that the egg from one sister was placed inside the body of the expectant sister, she then asked, "Does the egg have shells?"

When a visitor to a small town in Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands.

A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man, and told him the headline the following day would read, "Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal."

The hero told the journalist that he wasn't from that town.

"Well, then," the reporter said, "the headline will probably say, 'Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog'."

"Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut."

"In that case," the reporter said in a huff, "the headline should read, 'Yankee Kills Family Pet'."