Past Winners

In a local restaurant a waitress offered the patron a cup of coffee. He refused, pointed a finger at her and said, "Young lady, don't you know that every single person who drinks coffee dies?"

Flustered, she said, "Really?"

Another customer said, "Hey, Mister. Don't scare the young lady like that. Everyone who does NOT drink coffee dies, too."

"I know," said the first patron. I am studying to be a politician. Half truths, even if what I said is the whole truth, is good enough."

I visited my new friend in his apartment.

He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out, I hate visitors.

Brendan had spent a week visiting his family in Kentucky. His sister-in-law and seven-year-old nephew went with him when he returned to the airport. After verifying his seat number with the counter attendant, Brendan walked back to his relatives and stated that he'd have to wait an additional three hours in the airport.

"How come?" his nephew asked.

"My plane has been grounded," Brendan explained.

"Grounded?" the little boy said. "I didn't know planes had parents."

Did you hear about the soothsayer who accurately predicted an earthquake?

Everyone said it was his fault.