Past Winners

It seems I have spent a lifetime of mouthing mechanically, “Say thank you... Sit up straight... Use your napkin... Close your mouth when you chew... Don’t lean back in your chair...”

Just when I finally got my husband squared away, the kids came along.

Robin came home from her first day commuting into the city. Noticing that Robin was looking a little peaked, her mom asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?"

"Not really," Robin replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train."

"Poor dear," the mom said. "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?"

"I couldn't," Robin replied, "there was no one there."

I can’t believe someone broke into my house and stole all of my fruit.

I am peachless.

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

It depends on how many it took under the previous government.