Past Winners

I went to the doctors recently. He said, "Don't eat anything fatty."

I said, "What, like bacon and burgers?"

He said, "No, I mean you, Fatty, don't eat anything!"

Today I learned that if you flip a canoe over you can wear it as a hat...

Because it's cap-sized!

A woman walks into a police precinct and reports that her husband is missing. When the Sargent asked her how long her husband’s been missing she says, “Since last winter.”

Astonished, the Sargent asked, “Why did you wait till spring to report him missing?”

The woman replies, “Because the landscaping company is asking too much money to mow the lawn.”

The meal in the restaurant was awful. The diner asked to see the manager. When the manager came, the diner said, “I want to compliment you on your very clean kitchen.”

“Clean kitchen?” the manager asked. “Have you seen our kitchen?”

“No,” the diner replied. “But it must be clean because all the food tastes like soap.”