Past Winners

A pedantic bore forced a conversation with a fellow passenger on a coast to coast flight, and made a great parade of his knowledge. The passenger listened as long as he could. Looking at him gravely, he said, "My friend, you and I know all that there is to know."

"How is that?" asked the bore, pleased with what he thought was a complimentary association.

"Well," began the traveler, "you know everything there is to know except that you are a bore, and I know that."

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.

Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"

A little boy in the front row said, "You're a mother."

A man waiting for a bus held his hands about four inches apart. He got on the bus l, and when the driver asked for his fare, the man told him to take the money out of his coat pocket. The driver did as he said and drove on.

The man walked to the rear of the bus and sat down, still holding his hands in the same position. A woman passenger turned to him and asked, “Excuse me sir, are you alright?”

“Yes I am, thank you,” he replied.

“Then why are you holding your hands like that?”

“Because I’m on my way to a hardware store and I need a piece of pipe this long.”

A gnome is in the garden busily destroying some bushes when a house cat appears.

"What are you?" asks the cat.

"A gnome," comes the reply. "I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, I make annoying music at night to drive them crazy, and I love mischief. And what, may I ask, are you?"

The cat replies, "Um, I guess I'm a gnome."