Past Winners

A man was putting up a knotty pine wall in the living room. His young son was curious.

“What are those holes for?” he asked.

“They’re knotholes,” replied the father.

“If they’re not holes,” the boy asked puzzled, “then what are they?”

Morris had been playing golf for years, and he had the finest equipment, but his technique never improved a bit.

As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods.

"Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend Sam asked.

"I've never had an old ball," Morris said.

"You know, I think everyone should divide their worldly goods with the other fellow," said an office worker to another.

"That's a good idea. If you had two thousand dollars would you give me half?"

"Sure."

"And if you had two automobiles, would you give me one?"

"Sure."

"And if you had two shirts, would you give me one?"

"No."

"No? Why?"

"Because I have two shirts."

I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram...

I was like 0mg!