Past Winners

An inmate at the local detention center was sitting in his cell playing solitaire. Another inmate was watching. Finally the kibitzer spoke up, "Wait a minute. I just caught you cheating yourself."

"Shhh! Don't tell anybody but for years I've been cheating at solitaire. "

"You don't say! Did you ever catch yourself cheating,?"

"Nah, I'm too clever."

A young man fell into a deep coma, but recovered before his friends had buried him. One of his friends ask him what it felt like to be dead.

"Dead? I wasn't dead and I knew it because I was hungry and my feet were cold."

"But, how did that make you so sure?"

"Well, I knew if I was in heaven I wouldn't be hungry, and if I were in the other place, my feet wouldn't be cold."

Our doctor’s office called to let my husband know that the results from his blood tests came back and he was just fine. That didn’t suit my husband.

“What’s my cholesterol level?” he asked.

“Mr. Crocker, you are just fine,” insisted the nurse.

“Still, I’d like you to mail me the results.”

A few days later, he received a postcard from the doctor’s office. It read, “Mr. Crocker, you are just fine!”

Hal was home from college for the holidays. He said to his little sister, Sue, ”Would you like me to read you a narrative?”

”What is a narrative?” Sue asked.

”A narrative is a tale,” Hal told her.

That night when Sue went to bed, Hal asked, ”Should I extinguish the light, Sue?”

Sue asked, “What does extinguish mean?”

“Extinguish means to put out,” Hal explained.

The next day they were at dinner when their dog made a nuisance of himself.

”Hal,” Sue said, ”would you take the dog by the narrative and extinguish him?”