Past Winners

The speaker was genuinely enthusiastic about the virtues of temperance but his face made people doubt him.

Towards the close of his testimony he squared his shoulders, held his head tall, and said, "I have lived in this town all my life. in this town there are fifty-five public houses that sell liquor, and I am proud to say that I have never been in one of them!"

Then came a small voice from the back, "Which one is that?"

The zoo keeper found a new employee standing uneasy next to the lion's cage.

Zoo keeper: "Didn't I tell you that when the lion is wagging his tail, he was friendly?"

Employee: "He was wagging his tail and roaring at the same time."

Zoo keeper: "So, what's that got to do with it?"

Employee: "Well, I don't know which end to trust."

Mr. Boggs was halted by the highway patrol who informed him that he was going seventy-five miles an hour in a twenty-five mile an hour zone.

"I wasn't going seventy-five!" protested Mr. Boggs. "I wasn't even going sixty, I wasn't even going fifty, I wasn't even going forty, I wasn't even going..."

"Hey look out," said the highway patrol person. "At this rate you will be backing into something soon enough..."

Mr. Wimple was suing for divorce.

"Then judge," he protested, "my wife hit me over the head with an oak leaf."

"Well, that couldn't have hurt you, surely," the judge commented.

"But it was the oak leaf from the center of the dining room table," answered Mr. Wimple.